You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
