tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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