He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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