this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
