My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
