three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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