HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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