I wish I could teleport
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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