just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
