At least make sure they are 18
Why
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
