i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
