my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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