Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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