I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
