Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
