hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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