Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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