i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
