not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
