i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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