I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
