i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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