She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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