I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
