just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to sanitize my soul.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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