Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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