I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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