I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
