I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
