Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
