i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
cat food counts as protein by the way
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
