I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
