I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
