I CAN MOONWALK!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
