I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You can't motorboat a personality
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
