Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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