epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
