I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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