Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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