batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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