you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
