Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
