I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
