Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dick very happy bro
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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