I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
