only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
