Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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