Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
