Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
