Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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