Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
