billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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