i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
