someone get that fucking seahorse.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
