Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
