What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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