I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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