I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
