you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize