Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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