My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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