Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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