you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
