I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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