My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
