Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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