how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My pussy is not your playground.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
