Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well I just put wine in my tea
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
