so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
