We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize