I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
