After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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