I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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