remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
